By Chance (Courtland Chronicles) Page 11

  Humiliation and sick anger swept over him again, roiling in his belly. How could he have been so stupid?

  Chapter Fourteen

  August heat had turned the city into a sticky, humid mess, and with all the bodies pressed together dancing and jostling inside Midnight Sun, the place was a literal hell hole. Within a few minutes Eric’s shirt was glued to his back, the ice in his scotch already melted. A couple of guys tried to flirt with him, but he just wasn’t feeling it. Finally he gave up and went out to the curb to hail a cab.

  Still too restless to head home, he had the cabbie drop him on Amsterdam and walked up the block to Alfredo’s. It was Friday night, after all. Might as well keep up tradition.

  The proprietor greeted him by name, then ushered him to the same booth he’d shared with Nick and Ally on so many other Friday nights. He ordered red wine and double pepperoni, the other customers’ chatter ringing hollow in his ears. It wasn’t the same, sitting here alone. He kept glancing up and expecting to see Nick across from him, bursting out laughing at another one of Ally’s snarky remarks.

  It was past eleven when he caught a cab back to his mother’s Fifth Avenue apartment. He let himself in as quietly as he could, only to find her stretched out on the couch reading, a blanket tucked over her legs. The room’s air-conditioned chill gave him a shiver.

  “Hello, darling,” she said with a smile, holding her hand out to him. He brushed a kiss across her knuckles, sat down at the end of the couch and pulled her feet into his lap. “You’re back earlier than usual.”

  “And you’re up later than usual. Is everything okay?”

  “Oh, I just haven’t been sleeping too well lately. It’s probably my new heart medication. They’ve changed it twice, and it still doesn’t seem to be helping.”

  “I’ll come with you to your next appointment, and we’ll get to the bottom of it.”

  “No need, dear. There’s a whole battery of different drugs they can try. They just have to find the right one.” She closed her book and set it aside. “I suppose you’re looking forward to school starting again next week. You’ve seemed a bit distracted this summer.”

  He forced a smile. “And I thought I’d done such a great job hiding it.”

  “You must miss your friends, especially Nick. From the way you were looking at each other that day in my hospital room, I could tell he was very special to you.” She grasped his hand, giving it a tiny squeeze. “Now that I think of it, I haven’t heard you mention him in ages. Did something happen?”

  He considered making a noncommittal reply and changing the subject, for all the good it would do. He could never keep a secret from her for long. “It just didn’t work out.”

  Her expression crumpled. “Oh, I’m sorry, darling. You seemed so calm in his presence. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you that content.”

  “You know me, Mom. If there’s a way to screw up a relationship, count on me to find it.” He let out a bitter chuckle. “Nick and I were friends first, and now I wish I’d kept it that way. At least he’d still be talking to me.”

  “It can’t be that bad.”

  He inhaled sharply. “After the things I said the last time we saw each other, he probably wishes I was dead.”

  “There is this little thing called an apology,” she said gently.

  If it were only that easy. “I accused him of lying, and sleeping around. For a minute there I thought he was going to deck me, but he just left. Couldn’t get away from me fast enough, in fact.”

  “Do you believe he really was lying?”

  “I don’t know. He and Ally had a thing a couple of years ago, and they’ve been close ever since. To be honest, I’ve always been a bit jealous of their relationship.”

  “Well, that only proves how much you care about him.”

  “It doesn’t matter anymore. Not that it ever did.”

  She studied his face for a long moment. “Have you ever told him how you feel?”

  He stared down at the carpet, shaking his head.

  “Eric, you must, no matter how painful it is. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t.”

  “That’s ironic, coming from someone who’s spent twenty years of her life with a man who hates her.”

  He could’ve kicked himself when she flinched. “You don’t understand your father, but I do. And he doesn’t hate me, or you, for that matter. He simply doesn’t know how to show love. In fact, I see a lot of him in you.”

  Her words sliced through him like a razor blade. “Don’t say that.”

  “It’s true. You’re like him in practically every way, including your tendency to crawl into your shell when emotional matters become too difficult to face.”

  Which didn’t make it any easier to hear. Tensing, he jerked away, scooting to the far end of the couch. “Stop it.”

  “Eric, please. Just listen to me—”

  “I’m not like him. I’m not.” She reached over to stroke his arm, but he was already on his feet, making a beeline for his room. He slammed the door and locked it even as he heard her soft footsteps and the faint puff of her breathing on the other side.

  “Don’t shut me out, darling. You know I’m only trying to help.”

  Don’t shut me out. The same plea Nick had made. Eyes stinging, shoulders shaking, Eric slid to the floor. Sobs tore at him, thrashing in his chest, but he smothered them until she finally walked away. He couldn’t let her see him like this. He was supposed to be the strong one, damn it! He was supposed to take care of her, not the other way around.

  He’d fucked up again, just like he’d fucked up everything with Nick. Difference was, his mother would forgive him. Nick never would.

  Chapter Fifteen

  A twin bed, a desk, a lamp and a closet. “It’s not much, but I’ll be calling it home for the next nine months,” Nick said, ushering Ally into his new dorm room.

  She cast a glance around the tiny space, taking in bare walls and ugly gray carpet. “Good thing you don’t have to share it with anyone, or else you’d need bunk beds. It’s smaller than the kitchen in yours and Eric’s old room.”

  Like he needed to be reminded. “Beats sleeping on the floor.” His belly rumbling, he dug through the mound of books, clothes and bedding piled on the bare mattress until he found his backpack. “Let’s go eat. I haven’t had anything since that crappy breakfast sandwich at Grand Central.”

  The campus was already bustling with students arriving for fall semester, though classes didn’t start until Monday. It’d been sweltering when Nick trudged up the subway stairs dragging his duffel bag that morning, but now a breeze had kicked up, undercutting the sun’s brutal edge.

  It was pretty early for dinner, so the dining hall didn’t look too crowded, but Nick stopped short when he spied a familiar face through the front window. “Um, why don’t we head over to the bookstore first? I need to pick up some new notebooks.”

  She shot him her patented you can’t fool me look. “C’mon, Nick, I’ve got eyes too. Let’s go get our food, then we can drop by Eric’s table and say hi.”

  When she put it that way, it sounded perfectly reasonable. But all he had to do was look at Eric again, and his stomach twisted into a pretzel. “I can’t.” With that, he took off in the other direction.

  Naturally, she came after him. “What’re you going to do, spend the rest of the year avoiding him?”

  “If I have to.”

  “Will you stop being so stupid? Just go in there with me and say hello. He’s had two months to—”

  “Believe me, showing up with you won’t help,” he snapped.

  Her forehead crinkled. “What’re you talking about?”

  Shit. He hadn’t wanted to tell her, but now it looked as if he had no choice. “That day I went to see to him before I caught the train home, he…” Even the memory made his throat go tight. “He accused me of sleeping with you right after he and I broke up.”

  Not so far off from what’d almost h
appened the night he’d turned up on her doorstep, but that didn’t stop her from laughing. “Where’d he get that idea?”

  “From seeing us walking around campus together, I guess. Apparently we give off vibes or something.”

  “So tell him it’s not true.”

  “I tried. He didn’t believe me.”

  All the humor drained from her expression. “Maybe he just didn’t believe you wanted to be with him. I mean, you can’t blame him for thinking so when you wouldn’t even act like his boyfriend in public.”

  Irritation prickled up Nick’s spine. Why couldn’t she let it go? “Whose side are you on, anyway?”

  “I’m not on anyone’s side. I just want you to be hap—”

  “Then drop it, okay? I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” And he marched off toward the bookstore, leaving her standing alone in the middle of the quad.

  * * *

  “Hello, Eric.”

  He glanced up from his book, startled to find Ally standing not three feet away, tray in hand. It was so crowded and noisy in the dining hall, he hadn’t heard her walk up. “You’re the last person I expected to see.”

  “Don’t you mean second to last?” She nudged the other chair out with a bump of her hip and sat down—without being invited, of course.

  Obviously telling her to get lost wouldn’t do a damn bit of good. Eric flipped his book shut, suppressing a sigh. “Let me guess who put you up to this.”

  “And you’d be wrong. Nick doesn’t know I’m here. In fact, he saw you through the window and ran the other way. So I figured it was up to me to tell you what a fucking idiot you are.”

  Plain spoken to the last. He would’ve found it amusing if she weren’t already grating on his nerves. “Fine, you’ve told me. Now go back to your boyfriend and leave me alone.”

  “There’s nothing going on between me and Nick, except in your paranoid imagination.” She scooped up her fork, and for one crazy split second, Eric thought he was about to lose an eye. Instead, she speared a bite of her salad. “He’s still so in love with you, he can’t see straight.”

  His breath hitched while he watched her chew, swallow and reach for her glass of soda. “Why should I believe you?”

  “Because Nick’s my friend, and I want what’s best for him. And despite his screwy sense of judgment, that seems to be you.” Her gaze swept him from head to toe and back again. “He’s miserable, and frankly, you don’t look in such high spirits yourself.”

  Damn her—not that it took great perceptive powers to figure out where those dark circles under his eyes had come from. He’d hardly slept the past week, tossing and worrying about what he’d do when he finally ran into Nick again.

  And if Ally really was telling the truth, then Nick felt the same way. But why would she, when a lie, or saying nothing, would serve her better? “I would’ve thought this was a perfect opportunity for you to swoop in and comfort him,” he said.

  She shot him a sour look. “If that’s your way of asking if I still love him, the answer’s yes. But nothing’s ever going to happen between him and me. That’s just the way it is.” Shrugging, she added, “Like I said, Nick’s my friend. I hope he always will be. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought we were friends too.”

  Stunned, it took Eric a moment to summon a reply. “I don’t have too many friends.”

  “Then we’d better get back the one you’ve lost.”

  “After what I said last time, he’s never going to listen to me.”

  “I think he will, if you employ some sincere groveling. But first”—a sly smile spread across her lips—“we need to get you both in the same room.”

  * * *

  Barely six o’clock, and Alfredo’s was already packed—not surprising for a Friday. Eric flicked another glance at the front window and refilled his glass of wine, fingers shaking as he lifted it to his lips.

  The waitress came by to ask if he was ready to order, but he waved her off just as Nick and Ally walked through the door.

  “Well, look who’s here!” she chirped. “Hey, Eric. How’ve you been?”

  Nick stared at him, his expression quickly going grim, shaking off Ally’s hand on his arm as he turned to leave.

  “Nick, don’t go. Please.” Eric rose, gripping the edge of the table so hard his knuckles ached, pulse quickening as every damn customer in the place twisted around to gape at them. Why hadn’t he taken one of those Xanax he’d stolen from his mother’s medicine cabinet? “I want to talk to you.”

  “So you ambush me in a public place? Smooth move, but it’s not going to work.”

  He tried to push past Ally, but she stood her ground. “Don’t get mad at Eric. Bringing you here was my idea.”

  “Oh, really?” His gaze flicked from her back to Eric. “Nice little conspiracy you’ve got here.”

  With an exasperated huff, she grabbed his arm and shoved him at Eric’s table. “You two are going to sit down and hash this out right now. I’m not spending my senior year watching you both wallow in your own stupid misery. Come find me at the bar when you’re done.”

  Eric watched her walk away, a hard knot twisting in his belly. Nick hadn’t moved, wasn’t even looking at him. “Five minutes, Nick,” he said finally. “That’s all I ask.”

  Nick inched toward the door, until Ally aimed a gimlet glare at him. Sighing, he swung back around. “Since I’d rather not get hit by a flying tackle…” He slid into the booth, putting a hand over his glass when Eric tried to pour him some wine. “You’ve got your five minutes. Say what you have to say so I can get out of here.”

  Eric took a long sip of wine to fortify himself. All right, then. This was his last chance. He couldn’t fuck it up. “I’m sorry for being such an asshole last time. Even if what I’d accused you of was true, I still had no call to talk to you like that.”

  “How do you know it’s not true? You seemed pretty fucking convinced.”

  “Ally told me.” He swallowed hard. “She stopped by the dining hall yesterday—”

  “So you took her word for it, but not mine?”

  Nick obviously wasn’t going to give an inch, not that Eric could blame him. “Deep down, I never really believed you slept with her. It’s just what I had to tell myself so I could let you go. Which I’ve regretted every day since.”

  “And it never occurred to you to pick up the damn phone?”

  “Oh, so you wouldn’t have hung up on me?” he fired back.

  Nick flinched as if Eric had just taken a swing at him. Good. He’d finally struck a nerve. “Look, we’re done, okay?” Nick said finally. “Let’s forget about the last few months and move on.”

  “You really want to forget? I don’t.” He reached across the table to clasp Nick’s hand, fully expecting to be rebuffed. Instead, Nick stared down at their entwined fingers, then back at Eric, his cheeks flushing pink. “I love you, Nick. I’ve loved you ever since that night we first kissed. I should’ve told you before, but I was too fucking afraid.”

  Suddenly the surrounding buzz of chatter and music faded, the entire world narrowing down to him and Nick and his own pulse roaring inside his head. Nick’s lips started moving, but he couldn’t make out a damn thing—

  Until Nick slid out of the booth and dashed for the front door.

  * * *

  Eric caught up to him before he’d made it to the corner. “What the hell, Nick? I tell you I love you, and you run away?”

  “You bastard,” Nick growled, too fucking angry to care about all the people passing by, jostling and staring at them. “You’ve got some nerve dumping this on me now, after all the shit you put me through. Put us through…” Damn it, now his eyes were stinging. “What the hell do you expect me to say?”

  “I don’t care, as long as you love me too.” And he did—he did—his throat clogging with it, a huge, pulsing ache swelling in his chest. Eric reached up to stroke his cheek, wiping away a tear with the pad of his thumb. “I don’t blame you for being angry
with me. Those things I said were horrible, unconscionable—”

  “You were trying to hurt me. Why?”

  “It’s the way I am, I guess,” Eric whispered, close enough for Nick to feel the warm puff of his breath across his own throat. “I’d rather be hated than rejected.”

  “So you rejected me first?”

  “Not anymore. And never again, I promise.” Said with such sincerity and conviction, but how could he be sure?

  “I want to believe you, but—”

  “What do you want me to do, fall to my knees and beg? Because I will.”

  Oh, he couldn’t be serious. Eric was way too proud to do something like that. But when he actually started to sink to the filthy pavement, Nick’s last fiber of resistance cracked and shattered. “Don’t!” Seizing Eric by the elbow, he pulled him back up. “You don’t have to—”

  “Prove I love you? If this isn’t enough, then tell me what you want.” Now Eric’s eyes had gone all shiny. Nick had only seen him this close to losing it once before, that night in the waiting room at Mt. Sinai. “I’ll do anything.”

  Except Nick didn’t want him to do anything—the heartfelt sincerity in his words was more than enough. Words he hadn’t even said yet himself. “It’s okay, it’s okay. You know I love you, Eric. And I’m sorry about how I treated you. Sorry I was too afraid to show you how I…”

  “How you really feel?” Eric smiled. “Prove it.”

  Their lips touched as they slid their arms around each other’s waists. Nick swayed on his feet and grabbed hold of Eric’s belt, his head spinning as they stood there on a Manhattan street corner, kissing in full view of everyone.

  Including Ally, whistling and applauding from Alfredo’s doorway.

  They both burst out laughing. “Looks like we’ve got a cheering section,” Nick said.

  “I take it that means you’ve forgiven her for dragging you over here?”

  Another kiss, soft and sweet, and despite his old niggling fears, the world didn’t come tumbling down. In fact, it had never felt more solid under his feet. “How’s that for an answer?”