By Chance (Courtland Chronicles) Read online

He flashed her a shaky smile. “That’s some self-confidence, after only one session.”

  “I’ve had a lot to think about these past few weeks. It’s time I took control of my life.” She rose, holding her arms out to him. Eric hesitated, then walked into her embrace with a hopeful sigh. “Things are about to change, and it’s all because of you, darling.”

  Her eyes shone clear and bright for the first time in Eric’s recent memory. “You haven’t taken any pills—”

  “No pills or liquor since we last saw each other, I promise.”

  “Good. Do me a favor and don’t go see Dad, okay? Every time you do, it triggers all the awful stuff.”

  “I have no intention of seeing or talking to your father. If he has business to discuss, he can contact my attorney.” She smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “I should go now, and let you join your friends.”

  Eric remained on the couch for a long time after she’d left, trying to absorb it all. When he finally got around to checking his watch, he realized he’d missed dinner and probably the beginning of the movie. If he hurried, he could make it to the theater before it was over, but he hated walking in on the middle of a movie, even one he’d already seen.

  His mother usually brought nothing but chaos into his life, but now a strange sense of calm had come over him. Just like the way he felt whenever Nick was around.

  The realization thrummed through him with such force, he began to tremble. But it was true. He’d never been more peaceful and centered than he’d been with Nick here these past few weeks. Nick got him in ways no one else ever had. Sometimes they didn’t even need to speak. A simple look between them spoke volumes.

  This wasn’t mere physical attraction, not anymore. No wonder he’d stopped seeking out transient, meaningless encounters. They no longer fed his need.

  God, was this what love felt like?

  * * *

  Nick squirmed in his seat all the way through the first movie, barely paying attention to the subtitles. He’d figured out that it was about an itinerant circus strongman and the naïve young woman traveling with him, but aside from that, he was lost.

  He shot out of his seat the second the end credits started rolling. “I’m going back to the dorm.”

  Ally glanced up, startled. “What about the next movie?”

  “Eric should’ve shown up by now. I need to make sure he’s okay.” He grabbed his jacket, then marched up the aisle and into the lobby.

  “Nick, wait!” She had to run to catch up to him, snagging him by the arm as she tugged on her own jacket. “Look, don’t freak out. He and his mom probably decided to go to dinner.”

  “Did it look to you like he wanted to spend that much time with her?”

  “I think he was just a little annoyed about her showing up unannounced. You’ve heard the way he talks about her. They’re obviously very close.” She smiled and tried to steer him back inside. “C’mon, let’s grab some more popcorn and go watch the second feature.”

  He thought about it a moment before pulling away. “I’d rather go. I’m just not into it tonight.”

  “Really? I hadn’t noticed.” She made a tiny exasperated sound. “Go on, then. Tell Eric I said hi.”

  He shot her a puzzled look. “What’s the matter?

  “Oh, I don’t know. I thought maybe you might actually be glad to spend some time alone with me for a change.”

  “What’re you talking about?”

  “We haven’t gone out by ourselves once since you moved in with Eric. You realize that, right?”

  Actually, he hadn’t. But now that she’d brought it up… “Sure, Eric and I spend a lot of time together. He’s my roommate.”

  She shook her head. “You don’t get it, do you?”

  “Get what?”

  “Oh, Nick. You make that poor dumb girl in the movie look like a Rhodes scholar.” She patted him on the shoulder. “See you in class Monday.”

  He watched her walk away, then zipped up his jacket, shoved his hands in his pockets and trudged five miserably icy blocks to the subway. He was halfway back to the dorm before it finally dawned on him what she meant. That’s when he started trembling.

  * * *

  A chill had settled over the room. Shivering, Eric went into the kitchen to put on the teakettle, then pulled a blanket off his bed and sat back down on the couch, wrapping himself in it.

  The kettle started whistling just as the door opened. “You okay?” Nick asked, rubbing his hands together as he stepped inside, his tone a touch more urgent than the situation warranted.

  “A little cold. But you look frozen straight through.” Eric cocked his head toward the kitchen. “There should be enough water in the kettle for two cups.”

  A few minutes later, Nick emerged from the kitchen with two steaming mugs. Eric sat up to take his, blowing on it before taking a sip. It burned his tongue, but at least this time Nick hadn’t drowned the tea’s natural herbal flavor in too much sugar.

  “You’re back early,” Eric observed, his gaze focused on the depths of his mug.

  Nick shrugged. “I wasn’t in the mood for Fellini tonight.”

  “Fellini’s always been one of my favorites. Which ones were they showing? I forgot to check the schedule.”

  Nick pulled the schedule out of his pocket. “La Strada and Juliet of the Spirits.”

  Eric couldn’t help smiling. Irony had certainly put on the gloves for him tonight. “What’d you think of the second film?”

  “Didn’t see it. I left after the first one ended.”

  “D’you know what Juliet is about?”

  Nick shook his head.

  “It’s about a rich, pampered woman who has a nervous breakdown when she finds out her husband’s been cheating on her. Also known as the story of my mother’s life.”

  “I’m sorry,” Nick said softly. “She’s a nice lady. I really like her.”

  “She can be very sweet and charming when she’s herself. Which she hasn’t been lately.”

  “I remember you mentioning her having health problems. Is she getting better?”

  “‘Better’ is a relative term. Her illness is as much emotional as it is physical.” He studied Nick’s empathetic expression, weighing whether to continue. Well, why not? It felt good, finally sharing this with someone. He’d already told Nick some pretty personal stuff, and Nick hadn’t judged him. “My parents have never been particularly happy together. I suspect her money was the main attraction for him—she bankrolled Courtland Industries back when it was a startup. I’m not even sure he ever really loved her. Her tragedy is that she can’t stop loving him.” He sighed. “Sorry. You don’t want to hear this.”

  “Sure I do. It explains a lot, actually.”

  “All my neuroses revealed?” Eric let out a short bark of laughter. “I’ll end up scaring you away.”

  “Not a chance. Go on, tell me the rest.”

  The tea had warmed Eric up so much, his palms had started sweating. He pulled off the blanket and set it aside.

  “Five years ago, my mother and I went ice skating on this tiny pond behind our house,” he began slowly. “We should’ve known better. It was nearly spring. The snow had already started melting. She fell on a weak patch of ice and went crashing right through.”

  “Jesus,” Nick breathed. “That must’ve been horrible.”

  Eric drained his mug and set it on the coffee table. “She was in a coma for three days, and woke up in a body brace with two crushed vertebrae. For a while they weren’t sure she’d ever walk again. It took five surgeries and a year of physical therapy to get her back on her feet, but by then she was hooked on painkillers and tranquilizers.”

  “That is pretty horrible.”

  “Oh, I’ve barely gotten started.” He sucked in a breath. “She already knew my father hadn’t been faithful to her for a long time, but after the accident, he didn’t even try to hide it anymore. Except for Christmas holidays, when he’d show up on our doorstep with a bunc
h of his cronies, expecting us to play the perfect happy family for their benefit. And every Christmas holiday for the last five fucked-up years, my mother’s downed a fistful of pills with a Stoli chaser.”

  He steeled himself, waiting for Nick to flinch and scoot away, but Nick merely gazed down into his cup.

  “I don’t know what to say,” Nick murmured at last. “I can’t begin to imagine what growing up like that must’ve been like for you.”

  “If you’re still wondering why I was in such a foul mood the day we met, now you know.”

  “But your mom seemed okay tonight. I mean, she didn’t look drunk or stoned to me.”

  “It runs in cycles. She’ll be fine for a few months, then something will happen to trigger another episode. It’s usually something to do with my father. She acts out, and he comes running. But tonight she insisted that’s all over. She’s seeing a therapist, trying to get her life back on track. We’ll see, I guess.”

  “You don’t believe her?”

  “I believe she’s sincere about it now, but in two or three months, who knows? I want her to get well, I really do, but I just can’t take being disappointed by her again.” He tugged a hand though his hair, forcing a smile. “So there it is. Feel free to run screaming.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” Nick said as he slid his hand over Eric’s, his pulse a soft, warm throb against Eric’s skin.

  Eric’s pulse skipped wildly in response. “What’re you doing?”

  “Something I’ve been wanting to do since the night I kissed you.” Nick inhaled deeply before continuing. “Even if it scares the hell out of me.”

  At least now they were on the same page. But when Nick tried to pull his hand away, Eric’s fingers tightened around it. His heart thumped, vision blurring momentarily, but he didn’t let go. He wasn’t about to let them retreat to their neutral corners again, not when they’d finally made it this far. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “But what made you decide to…?” His gaze flicked to their clasped hands.

  “I, um, did some thinking on the subway home tonight, and it occurred to me that maybe there’s a good reason why none of my relationships with girls ever panned out.”

  “This came to you right out of the blue?”

  “It’s been staring me in the face for a while—since high school, actually. I just didn’t want to look, for…well, a lot of reasons.” Another deep breath. “All I know is, I’ve got feelings for you that go way beyond friendship. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think you feel the same way.”

  The thing he’d been longing to hear, and dreading too. As long as it remained unsaid, he could push his feelings aside, pretend they didn’t exist. But Nick putting his own feelings into words made this—whatever this was between them—real.

  Fear gripped him in earnest, leaving him caught between paralysis and the urge to flee. Oh, this was ridiculous. What was he going to do, barricade himself in the bathroom? Sleep in a hotel for the rest of the semester? Maybe he could hide from Nick, but not from himself. And, strangely enough, he realized with a sense of relief so profound it nearly doubled him over, he no longer wanted to. “You’re not wrong.”

  Their lips met softly, tentatively, finally parting, only to have their teeth bump together. Nick flinched. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

  “It’s all right. Just relax.” Eric breathed deep and tried to follow his own advice, his pulse thrumming between his ears as he caressed Nick’s face. And here came that bright pink blush flooding Nick’s cheeks again, the heat of it practically scorching Eric’s fingertips. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

  “But I’ve waited to long to find someone special, someone who really gets it, y’know? Someone who gets me.” His eyes floated shut for a moment, lashes fluttering against his cheeks. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

  Nick thought he was special? The one he’d been waiting for? No pressure, right? Eric swallowed, trying to form words around the sudden desert in his throat. “The only way you could do that is if you got up and left.”

  Why did he have to say that? Now Nick had this awful flash of panic in his eyes, as if he was actually considering the possibility. Eric waited a long, heart-stopping moment for the look to subside, then, slowly and gently, slid one hand around Nick’s neck and drew him in for another kiss. He tasted like sweet tea with the faint tangy undertone of Alfredo’s house red, though Eric was fairly sure that wasn’t what was making him so light-headed.

  They slid down side by side on the couch, their kisses growing deeper and more urgent, until they finally had to stop to catch their breath. “What d’you want to do?” Nick whispered. “I mean—”

  “I know what you mean,” Eric said. “Let’s slow down, okay? We’ll get there.”

  “How can you be so calm? I’m shaking all over.”

  So was Eric—and yet, surprisingly, he was fine with it. A strange euphoria bloomed inside him, a heady sense of anticipation, as if he were on a roller coaster poised at the crest of that first endless drop.

  Nick pressed his palm to Eric’s chest, eyed widening at the heavy thud of his heart. “You too, huh?” Chuckling, he brushed soft kisses across Eric’s forehead, both cheeks and finally, his mouth. “You’re right. Besides, I promised myself when I found the right person, I wouldn’t rush it. I’ve waited this long. I can wait a few more minutes.”

  “I’m not sure I can,” Eric joked weakly. God, how much he wanted this, even more for Nick than himself. He reached for Nick’s hand, laced their fingers together and placed it over the hard bulge at his own crotch.

  “Guess that’s a hint, huh?” Smiling, Nick eased down Eric’s zipper and reached inside, drawing out his cock. “Nice,” he murmured, licking his lips as he started to stroke him.

  “Jesus,” Eric hissed. Nick’s large, strong hands were made for jacking off. Problem was, if he kept doing it this well, Eric wouldn’t last much longer, and despite his prior protests, he had no desire for their first time to be a quickie.

  “My turn,” he whispered at last, nudging Nick’s shoulder to roll him onto his back.

  Nick complied with a bemused grin, raising his arms to let Eric tug off his jacket and T-shirt. Eric took his time running his fingertips along the well-muscled planes of Nick’s chest and belly, nails lightly scoring his skin, leaving faint pink marks and shivers of delight in his wake. His lips following along, he kissed a hot, moist trail from Nick’s collarbone down to his navel, then stopped, swirling the tip of his tongue inside the puckered indentation.

  Now Eric wasn’t the only one with an impressive bulge in his jeans—and Nick was even more impressive out of them. He was hung like a god, long and thick, with a fat mushroom head the same bright shade of pink as his cheeks when he blushed.

  And he grew even pinker—cheeks and cock alike—as Eric caressed him. “Bashful fellow, isn’t he?” he teased, reveling in Nick’s moans. “Perhaps he’d like a kiss.”

  “God, Eric, I don’t think I can…”

  Eric swiped his tongue across the crown, the salty flavor bursting onto his tongue for a few precious moments before he slid down, taking as much of it as he could comfortably hold. He bobbed his head up and down until Nick was speaking in tongues, begging for release. A few more quick strokes, and Nick came with a yell that practically shook the walls.

  He lifted his head just as Nick slumped back against the couch cushions. “Guess I don’t need to ask if you liked it.”

  “That, that was pretty fucking amazing.”

  “Worth the wait?”

  “God, yeah. But what about you?”

  “Why don’t we keep it simple this time?” Straddling Nick’s thighs, Eric reached for his own cock.

  He was already so close, all it took was the touch of his hand to send him over the edge. Black spots dancing before his eyes, he fell forward into Nick’s arms, lips pressed to his sweaty chest.

  Chapter Seven

  Eric opened his eyes slowly, surprise rippli
ng through him when he discovered Nick still lying next to him. They’d pushed the beds back together last night, but he’d still half expected to find Nick stretched out on the couch when he woke up, not gazing down at him with a silly grin on his face. “How long’ve you been awake?” he mumbled, yawning.

  “A few minutes,” Nick replied, leaning over to give him a kiss. “Morning, by the way.”

  “Morning.” God, now he was grinning like an idiot. A warm, well-rested, happy idiot. “I need to tell you something,” he said, wrapping an arm around Nick’s waist. “You’re the first person I’ve ever spent an entire night with.”

  “Me too.”

  “Really? You’ve never stayed over with any of your girlfriends?”

  Nick laughed. “There haven’t been that many. In fact, Ally’s the only one I’ve ever…” He blushed. “Not counting a few random hookups.”

  So Ally’d beaten him to the punch on that too. One more thing to envy her for. “In that case, I suppose I should be flattered,” Eric said.

  Nick ducked his head, his smile fading. “Same here. But when I think about it, it’s actually kind of sad.”

  Spoken with empathy and affection, not judgment. Eric let out a long breath. He’d never had a problem keeping to himself before, but Nick was so warm and open, so easy to talk to. It was nice, having someone to confide in for a change, even if he couldn’t quite read what was going on behind Nick’s eyes. Was he having second thoughts about last night?

  “I didn’t used to think so,” Eric murmured. “Letting people get too close scared me. Hell, it still scares me.”

  Nick looked like he was about to say something, but instead he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Eric’s heart skidded to a halt until Nick glanced back at him, then smiled and leaned in for another kiss.

  * * *

  They ended up skipping breakfast with Ally that morning, and many mornings to come, though most days he and Nick didn’t see each other again until they met for dinner at the dining hall.

  One evening Eric glanced up wearily from his bowl of salad, barely stifling a yawn—and a grin, as his gaze landed on the reason for his fatigue. “I’m looking forward to spring break next week. Can’t wait to have a whole week to sleep in and eat whenever we want.”