By Chance (Courtland Chronicles) Read online

  “How do you know? You haven’t even tried to explain what’s going on.”

  “Believe me, you don’t want to know.”

  “Yes, I do.” Nick sat down, sliding a hand over Eric’s. Eric’s fingers twitched with the urge to pull away. “Tell me.”

  All he wanted was to drink his tea and go to sleep, but apparently Nick wasn’t going to leave him in peace until he gave him an answer. So he slowly recounted his visit with his mother, trying in vain to keep his voice from cracking. Nick’s eyes shone with genuine empathy, quickly replaced by shock at Eric’s father’s refusal to put in an appearance at the hospital.

  Eric dropped his gaze to the table when he was finished, a wave of shame sluicing over him. He couldn’t stand for Nick to see him like this—weak, vulnerable. Why didn’t he have the sense to keep his mouth shut?

  “Mind if I ask you something?” Nick said.

  What more did Nick want from him? Eric fought back the urge to snap his head off, breathing deep until he’d regained a modicum of calm. “Go ahead.”

  “I don’t get why your parents are still together. Why don’t they just get a divorce? Why does your mom keep letting him put her through this hell year after year?”

  “They almost divorced a couple of years ago. Dad had a different girlfriend back then, and he was dying to marry her. Mom said she wouldn’t fight him on the settlement as long as he agreed to buy out her third of the company for cash. It’s worth a hundred and fifty million, give or take. But all my father’s assets were tied up in stocks and other investments, and he would’ve had to liquidate most of them to pay her. He decided to call the whole thing off instead.”

  Nick’s jaw nearly hit his chest. “So they’ve sentenced themselves to a lifetime of misery, all because of money?”

  “That’s the way it is in my family. Not all of us are lucky enough to grow up in the little house on the prairie.”

  Nick cringed. “That’s a cheap shot.”

  “What the hell do you want me to say, Nick? I was right—you don’t understand, and you never will.” He sprang up and went to the closet for a pair of clean sweats, then retreated to the bathroom.

  Nick was perched on the couch when he came out. “Should I sleep over here tonight?”

  Eric didn’t even have to think about it. He just nodded.

  Chapter Eleven

  The door slamming shut jolted Nick awake. A glance at his alarm clock told him it was a little before seven. He lay there staring at the ceiling for a few minutes before getting up, then headed into the kitchen for some tea.

  The previous evening played over and over in his head, though he was no nearer to understanding it. But now that he’d seen firsthand what Eric’s horrible home life had done to him, it was no wonder he’d had spent the last few years pushing everyone away. But how could he get Eric to let him back in, after the way he’d rebuffed him at the hospital?

  He muddled through the rest of the day in a funk, barely paying attention to his classes. He came back to the room around dinnertime, disappointed to find Eric still gone. The feral growl of his empty stomach finally got the better of him, so he went down to the dining hall.

  And there was Eric, sitting alone at their usual table. “Hey,” Nick said, forcing a smile as he pulled out a chair, half expecting Eric to tell him to get lost. When he didn’t, Nick let out a slow, shuddery breath and sat down. “You were up early this morning.”

  “I had some errands to run before my first class,” Eric replied, pushing his economics book aside. “And I wanted to stop by and see my mom too.”

  “How’s she doing?”

  “Better. The nurse said they were moving her to a private room this afternoon. I’m going back once I finish my dinner.”

  “Want some company?”

  Eric smiled ruefully. “You sure you want to, after last night?”

  Looked like Eric wasn’t mad at him anymore, thank God. He’d probably just needed time to get over the shock of what’d happened with his mom. “’Course I do,” Nick said. “Mind if I come in and say hi to her?”

  “If she’s not too tired. There’s a couple things I need to talk to her about first.”

  They hailed a cab to the hospital and found Eric’s mother’s new room on the eighth floor. Eric went in to see her while Nick cooled his heels in the nearby waiting area, thumbing through a dog-eared issue of People. He sat there by himself until an imposing gray-haired man walked by.

  The man stopped at the nurse’s station to ask a question, but evidently the nurse wasn’t telling him what wanted to hear. His face flushed purple, his tone verging on abusive. No sooner had she warned him she’d call security when the door to Eric’s mother’s room opened. “Lower your voice, Dad,” Eric said. “There are people trying to rest here.”

  Eric’s father wheeled around, skewering him with an icy glare. Now that Nick knew who he was, the resemblance popped right out at him; Eric had the same prominent cheekbones and Roman nose, but luckily, not the cruel set of his mouth.

  “What’s going on?” the older man bellowed. “This incompetent woman’s just told me I’ve been barred from my own wife’s room!”

  “She doesn’t want to see you,” Eric replied. “And from what she told me yesterday, I thought you didn’t want to see her. So what’re you doing here?”

  “I have important company business to discuss with her. It can’t wait.”

  “Oh, you remembered her stock proxy?” Eric pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket. “She’s signed it over to me, along with her power of attorney.”

  His father gaped at him, hands opening and closing as if he were actually considering decking his own son. “I can’t believe you’d stab me in the back like this.”

  “I can’t believe you weren’t expecting it. I’ve been looking forward to this day ever since you moved out of the house.” He flashed his father a smile so completely empty of affection or pity, it made Nick shiver. “You’ve poisoned her life long enough. She’s done with you now. We both are.”

  “You haven’t heard the last of this, either of you. I have my rights. That house she’s living in is still in my name.”

  “Tell it to her attorney,” Eric spat.

  They stood there nose to nose, until Eric’s father unclenched his fists and backed away. Straightening his tie, he turned and marched to the elevator, muttering angrily to himself.

  Eric’s eyes locked on Nick’s, his expression softening as he beckoned him over. “Come on in.”

  “Eric, what on earth’s going on out there?” Her hands twisted in the covers, until Eric went over cradle one of hers in both of his, giving her a peck on the cheek.

  “Nothing you need to worry about.” He nodded at Nick. “Look who’s come to visit.”

  “Well, hello, young man.” She held out her other hand to him, her face lighting up. “So tell me, what’s new in your lives, you two?”

  They stayed about half an hour, chatting with her about school and other safely inane topics. She seemed oddly cheerful for someone who’d just been at death’s door, but Nick chalked that up to Eric’s presence. She beamed at him as if he were the sun, the moon and the stars.

  Nick understood exactly how she felt.

  * * *

  They piled into a cab and headed back to Watt, but it wasn’t until they pulled up in front of the dorm that Nick realized he hadn’t heard a word Eric had said the entire ride home.

  “Sorry,” he murmured sheepishly once they were back in their room. “I didn’t mean to ignore you.”

  “I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’m sorry you had to witness that showdown with my dad.” Eric dropped into the armchair, rubbing a hand over his face. “I wasn’t expecting him to turn up.”

  A question had been hovering at the back of Nick’s mind since they’d left Mt. Sinai. It’d probably get Eric mad at him again, but he had to know. “Do you usually talk to him like that?”

  “Like what?”

  “
Like he’s someone you hate.”

  “I do hate him,” Eric stated flatly. “He’s done nothing to earn my love. Being a glorified sperm donor doesn’t qualify.”

  Nick parked himself on the couch, rubbing his palms on his jeans. “I don’t get how you can hate your own father.”

  “You would if you’d spent twenty years living with him. All I’ve ever heard from him is what a disappointment I am. I’ve given up trying to prove him wrong.”

  “I know it must’ve been hard telling him you’re gay, but—”

  “It has nothing to do with being gay.” Eric fixed Nick with an icy stare that reminded him of the same look Eric had given his father a little while ago. “Or is that the only thing about me you think my father could disapprove of?”

  How was he supposed to answer that without digging himself in deeper?

  But apparently not answering at all was even worse, if the tight lines springing up around Eric’s mouth and eyes were any indication. “That’s the difference between you and me. I’m not ashamed of who I am, but you are.”

  Nick’s hands started to shake. “That’s not true.”

  “Of course it is. Why else haven’t you come out to your parents? Hell, you went out of your way to make sure they were gone before we showed up at the farm. You don’t want to tell them about us. You don’t want anyone to know about us.”

  “Eric, c’mon, we’ve been over this. I can’t come out now, not till football season’s over next fall—” But Eric just went on glaring at him. Damn it, what was the matter with him? Why couldn’t he say this in a way Eric could understand? “You know all the shit I’ll have to take from the team if they find out.”

  “I should’ve known you never had any intention of quitting,” Eric spat. “So what am I supposed to do? Fade into the background and not compromise your macho hetero-normative street cred? I’ve been out of the closet since I was sixteen. I’m not about to go back in again, even for you.”

  Now he was trembling all over. “What’re you trying to say?”

  “It’s been fun, but we both know this’ll never work. We might as well cut our losses now, before it gets too messy.”

  Nick’s heart sank, but from the stony expression on Eric’s face, he didn’t appear to care at all. How could he be so cold? “You make it sound like some business deal.”

  “No point getting upset over something we can’t change. Besides, I’ve already endured enough screaming matches in my life.”

  The room seemed to flip, like a roller coaster speeding into a curl. Nausea nearly doubled Nick over, but he held on to the couch until it passed. “Fine.” He stumbled to the closet, pulled out his duffel and started shoving clothes in it. “Give me an hour, and I’ll be out of here.”

  “You don’t have to do that tonight,” Eric said tightly, rising and coming over. “I’m not about to throw you out on the street.”

  Oh, that was rich. Now Nick’s palms were itching with the temptation to slug him. “I can take care of myself,” he snapped. “Now get out of my fucking way and let me pack my bags in peace.”

  He caught the downtown subway and sat staring at the scuffed, filthy floor, clutching his bag as the car jerked and jostled. Once he’d reached his stop, it took him another half hour to find the address Ally had scrawled on an Alfredo’s cocktail napkin weeks ago.

  The stunned expression on her face when she opened the door was priceless.

  “Hey.” He tried to smile, but his face felt like a block of ice. “Still got room on your floor for me?”

  Chapter Twelve

  “I’ll wring his fucking neck,” Ally declared, setting a steaming mug of coffee in front of Nick before sinking into the chair across from him. “No, wait—I’ll rip his heart out. That’s what I said I’d do if he ever hurt you. I’ll rip out his heart and feed it to him, then I’ll wring his neck.”

  “Take it easy, Ally. It’s not all his fault.” He rubbed the space between his eyes, trying to stave off the mother of all headaches. “This situation with his mom’s got him stressed out. Plus, he’s pissed at me about the whole public-display-of-affection thing, not to mention…”

  “Not to mention what?”

  Shit. He’d already said more than he’d intended to, but Ally’s laser stare told him he’d better spill the rest. “He asked me to share an off-campus apartment with him next fall. I turned him down.”

  She did a double take. “Wow. I didn’t think you two were that serious.”

  “It threw me for a loop too.”

  “So it’s not just some casual thing, huh?”

  “We spent spring break alone together at my folks’ house in Seneca Falls. It was the best week of my life,” he admitted softly. “I fell hard for him. I thought he felt the same way.”

  “God, I’m sorry. Now I feel like such an idiot. I just assumed he was fucking around with you, having a little fun. He told me he really cared for you, but I still wasn’t sure I believed him. Evidently I should have.”

  “Well, it’s all over now.”

  “You don’t think you two can patch it up, once this crisis with his mom blows over?”

  “I doubt it. There’s a couple of pretty big issues we can’t get past.”

  “Only a couple?”

  He stuck his tongue out at her, but it quickly turned into a yawn. “Sorry,” he added with a grin, “you’re really not that boring.”

  “Looks like your cheesy sense of humor’s survived intact,” she retorted, getting up to put their mugs in the sink. “C’mon, sleepyhead, let’s get you bedded down for the night.”

  Naturally, once he’d downed a couple of aspirin and crawled inside his sleeping bag, he lay there wide awake, an awful depression sweeping over him. He sat up when Ally emerged from the hallway with a blanket and pillow, then started making up a bed for herself on the couch.

  “You don’t have to sleep out here on my account,” he said. “I haven’t been scared of the dark since I was ten.”

  “This is where I always sleep. There’s only one bedroom, and since this is Holly’s sister’s place, she gets dibs. It’s not that bad. At least the TV’s out here.”

  They flicked out the lights, but after an hour of them both tossing and turning, they ended up bundled together on the couch watching the late-night TV. When the last show was over, Ally flicked off the remote with a contented sigh. “It’s been a long time since we stayed up late watching talk shows. It’s one of the things I miss about not being suitemates anymore.”

  “Me too,” he replied. Except for Ally, he’d lost track of the people he used to hang out with. Eric had taken over his life from the day he’d moved in. “Know what else I miss? Stealing the towels from the communal bathroom whenever that dick Todd Hobart took a shower.”

  She burst out in giggles. “Oh, God, I remember the first time you did that! He ran drip-drip-dripping down the hall with his hands clamped over his junk, because you’d swiped his bathrobe too!” Wiping at her eyes, she added, “How many times did you pull that on him? Did he ever figure out it was you?”

  “Nah, he’s as stupid as he is mean. And I’m not the only guy he’s called a fag. He’s probably got enemies all over campus.”

  “He what?” She sat up straight. “You never told me that.”

  “Didn’t you ever wonder why I hated the guy so much?”

  “I figured it was because he was an asshole. But since we’re on the subject, there’s some juicy gossip floating around about him.” Leaning in closer, she whispered, “There’s a men’s room over in the science building that’s one of the most notorious gay cruising spots on campus. Evidently Hobart’s quite the habitué. There’s a list of his greatest hits scrawled above the second urinal from the end. Or, um…” She cleared her throat. “So I’ve been told.”

  He stared at her. “You’re kidding.”

  “I swear to God. I mean, how hilarious is that? The most dimwitted, uber-macho, homophobic fucktard on campus turns out to be a big fat closet c
ase.”

  They burst out laughing again. “Wish I’d known freshman year,” Nick said. “I could’ve made his life a lot more interesting.”

  “What’s stopping you now?”

  “I’ve had enough drama in my life lately. All I want is to keep my head down and get through the next couple of months.”

  She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m really sorry about you and Eric. It tears me up inside, seeing you so sad.”

  “Thanks.” He planted a kiss on the crown of her head. “I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here.”

  “You’ll be okay.” She smiled, reaching up to stroke his cheek. “Just give it time.”

  “Yeah, I’ll probably be over it by the time I’m forty.” He tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a cough, quickly stifled by her finger over his mouth.

  “Don’t,” she whispered, even as they leaned in closer, their lips touching—

  He pulled back instantly at the shock of it, his heart pounding. “God, Ally, I didn’t mean to—”

  “It’s okay, it’s okay, I know.” She turned away, reaching for a nearby box of tissues. Was he imagining it, or were her shoulders trembling?

  He slid his arm around her, pulling her close again. “I’m sorry.”

  “So am I, but I’m not ready to play rebound girl.” She looked up at him, eyes still shiny. “You deserve to be happy, Nick. Even if it’s not with me.”

  Took a moment before Nick realized what she meant. Jesus, how could he be so fucking dense? “Eric said you were carrying a torch for me, but I thought he was kidding.”

  “Not a torch. More like a Zippo.” Smiling, she kissed him on the cheek. “It’s all right. I’d rather have you as a friend than nothing at all.”

  Now his eyes were stinging. “I love you, Ally. You know that, right?”

  “I love you too. Always will.”

  * * *

  Eric spent the entire night alternating between punching his pillow and pacing the floor. When the sun started poking through the curtains, he decided to go for a walk. At least outside, he could get fresh air and a dose of noise. It was too damn quiet inside without Nick.